The Epic Parody
by xStitchesOnMyHeartx
Summary: My first fanfic EVER! Please r&r. Crossover between G1 T-ransformers and Spongebob. Actually a whole lot funnier than what it sounds like.


My first fanfiction. Please be gentle with reviews ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own transformers or spongebob...i wish I did T__T

------

"Wheeljack, what the hell is that?!" Ratchet asked referring to the new belt-like device the inventor held proudly in his hands.

"It's a …." Wheeljack began but was cut off by the grumpy medic.

"You know what? I really don't want to know. As long as it doesn't explode! Let's just go get some energon." Ratchet said and with a turn of his heal he headed down the orange hallways of the Ark, the engineer trailing behind. Ratchet glanced back to see his friend still carrying his new invention.

"Your bring'en that thing with you to eat!?" The medic sneered. Wheeljack looked down at his invention and back up at Ratchet.

"Well you don't expect me to leave it back there, especially with the twins lurking around." Wheeljack's ear fins flashed a shade of electric blue as he spoke. " I just don't think it would be safe..or smart."

"Fine." Ratchet said curtly. The two continued on there walk to the Ark's cafeteria.

------

As soon as they entered the cafeteria they found themselves the witnesses of yet another fight between Tracks and Sunstreaker. And about the usual. Looks.

The two were having an all out brawl with Prowl being the referee.

"Break it up!" Prowl yelled while placing his hands on both of there foreheads, keeping them from offlining each other.

"Sunflower!"

"Pansy!"

Ratchet rubbed his temple with two fingers._"Sparklings."_ he thought. Beneath his mouth plate Wheeljack was grinning at the amusing scene playing out in front of them.

"Brig. Now!!" Prowl hissed icily.

"But he started it!" Tracks whined

"I did not you fragger!"

Prowl groaned tiredly as he took the back of both bots necks and began dragging them down to the brig. The whole time both Track's and 'Streaker still throwing insults at each other . Prowl trudged past the medic and the engineer. Soon the cafeteria was quite save for the faint sound of the two still yelling as they were dragged down the long hallways.

"Well...that was...amusing?" Wheeljack stated softly, fingering his invention.

"There all just sparklings!" Ratchet growled as began moving towards the energon dispenser.

------

Sideswipe hated getting cleaning duty. And because of his latest prank he had it for a week. But did he regret it? Noooooo. Of course not. The red Lanbo smiled at the memory of Red-Alert running through the base,his lights flashing,as he screamed about the apocalypse,before walking into the glue trap he had set up. He let out a small wicked laugh as he continued picking up empty energon cubes.

He watched as Ratchet and Wheeljack took a seat at a far off table. Normally he wouldn't have really paid any attention to it but something in Wheeljack's hands caught his optics. The engineer had placed the belt like thing on his lap as he drank his energon. Curiosity won as he pranced on over to the Hatchet and Explosion Specialists.

The two glanced up as the red twin loomed over there table, his trademark grin plastered on his face.

"What do _you_ want?" Ratchet growled. He really did not want to deal with Sideswipe of all mechs right now.

"What? I just wanted to check up on my two bestest buddies!" Sideswipe said a little to excitedly. He was trying extremely hard to keep from looking at the invention in the inventors lap.

"Ya, I'll believe that when pigs fly." Ratchet replied before swallowing the rest of his energon.

"But I thought you could fly!" Side's said sarcastically before throwing a cheeky grin the medic's way. Ratchet gave him a death glare in return. "Awww, don't be like that Hatchet! You know I love you!" Wheeljack's laughter interrupted anything Ratchet was about to come back with. The medic whipped his head over to the inventor.

"You think this is funny?" Ratchet snapped.

"Awww, sorry Ratch." Wheeljack began to calm himself down. Through all of this the Lambo got a good glance at the strange device in Wheeljack's lap.

"_A belt?"_ Now he was just confused. _"Why in the pit would Wheeljack invent a Transformer sized belt? And what did the "m" stand for?! Maybe he __was __insane..."_

Sideswipe was cut out of his thoughts when Ratchet hastily got up from his seat and and snatched the belt up.

"Don't even think about it!" the white and red mech hissed.

"What does it do?" Sideswipe inquired.

"None of your business!" Ratchet yelled, when he himself had no idea what it did. "Just go and do your job!"

Sideswipe glared angrily at the medic before turning around and walking away. He really couldn't afford to get in more trouble at this point.

------

Everything had calmed down when, yet another problem occurred for the two mechs. Prowl rushed but seemed to retain his stoic nature.

"Wheeljack. Ratchet. The dinobots are having a small..um..issue." Grimlock's roar echoed across the whole base. Prowl winced. "We need you immediately." The trio then ran out the room towards the dinobot's room,the belt completely forgotten.

"Lazy mechs" Sideswipe grumbled as he picked up more energon cubes. And that's when he saw it.

The red Lambo rushed over to the abandoned table,snatched the belt and ran to a storage room nearby storage room. He turned the light on and looked around to see the only other objects in the room were boxes of energon. He fiddled with the belt or a few seconds before pressing the m on the belt. A light shot out and shrank a box of energon cubes. _'_Sides optics widened_ "So thats what the m stands for! Mini!" _

He grinned devilishly _"This could be fun..."_.

------

"Grimlock calm done!" Ratchet yelled over the dinobots sobs. Prowl clutched his audios as Grimlock cried louder " What's his problem?!" Before anyone could else could answer the dinobot cried-

"But him Swoop stole me Grimlock's teddy bear!" Grimlock sobbed.

"Awww,Come on!" Ratchet yelled as Wheeljack face palmed.

Prowl sighed_. "This whole situation wasn't even logical. Just stupid. Speaking of stupid I better go check up on Sideswipe..."_

Prowl walked into the kitchen to find it completely empty. He walked around looking for the red pit spawn. He was no where in sight. The datsan was about to go check elsewhere when he thought he heard a strange noise coming from the cafeteria's storage room. He walked over and slowly opened the door. The situation before was just stupid..now this was on was unbelievably illogical. Sideswipe sat there in the corner,wearing a strange belt,and surrounded by mini energon cubes.

Prowl looked around a little more, a shocked look on his face. " What? Why is e-everything s-so tiny?" He managed to make out.

Sideswipe,surprised to see he had been caught. He quickly slid the belt around his waist so that the _m_ wasn't noticeable. " I don't know..." Sideswipe said using his best innocent voice.

"And what's that thing your wearing?"

"Nothing."

"No. Let me see." Prowl slowly inched his way towards Sideswipe.

"No! Prowl don't!" The twin gave one last attempt to stop SIC , but failed. Prowl picked up Sideswipe by the belt and examined the weird device.

"This is that new invention that Wheeljack has been working on? He let you use it?" Prowl eyed the accused skeptically.

"Uh yeah. Sure did!" Sideswipe could feel the tension in the room rising. Prowl of course didn't believe the younger bot. Prowl put a finger to his chin " Let me guess, he didn't let you? You stole it."

"_Oh slag!"_ Sideswipe thought.

Sideswipe gave in. "Please don't tell him or Ratchet! 'Sides begged.

"I'm telling them, Sideswipe" Prowl said sternly.

"No!"

"Well I guess I'll be telling them now." Prowl turned towards the door.

"NO! Please don't!" The Lamborghini yelled dramatically.

"I'm leaving..." Prowl said with an uncharacteristically hint of amusement in his voice. Watching Sideswipe beg was definitely a sight to see. Sideswipe dove to the ground and attempted to grab Prowls ankles but alas missed. Sideswipe was desperately trying to think of a way to stop the older mech, when on impulse he did the first thing that came to his cpu. A bright light flashed from the belt as it hit it's target. Prowl was now the size of a human.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Prowl screamed.

"Sorry Prowl, but I couldn't let you tell 'Ratch or 'Jack. The would offline me. Permanently!" Sideswipe reasoned.

"Just turn me back to normal!" the all logic bot was now panicking.

"No. Not until I can trust you to not tell."

"Sideswipe. NOW! "

"Fine." Sideswipe looked down at the belt. There were so many buttons and he didn't have a clue how to reverse the shrinking effect. " Ummm, maybe it's this one?" he pushed a small yellow button on the side of the belt.

"Maybe!?" But before the lambo could reply a light shot out and Prowl spontaneously burst into flames.

"Oh my Primus!" the Datsun screamed. Now it was Sideswipe's turn to panick..

"Umm" he continued to push random buttons as more horribly random things happened the SIC.

"What kinda belt is this thing?!" the crimson colored mech yelled over Prowls screams.

"Just stop!" Prowl yelled. Prowl panted as the worst of it was over. "Don't you know how to use that thing?". Sideswipe looked stupidly at the now smaller transformer. "I guess that's a no." Prowl stated completely annoyed. "Just tell Ratchet and Wheeljack..."

"No! They can never find out!" Sideswipe yelled as Prowl covered his audio receptors.

"Ow." the Lambo picked up the tiny Prowl. "Don't worry Prowl! I'll find a way to fix you! Let's see...I need someone smart,wise...Sunny!"

"Umm, your psychotic brother is still in the brig." Prowl said coldly.

"Oh yeah. Frag. Who else?."

_A few seconds later_

"Jazz! Jazz!" Sideswipe yelled as he ran down th hallways of the Ark, keeping a tight grip on tiny Prowl. The two finally came across Jazz's room. Sideswipe burst into the room to find Jazz laying on his berth listening to some human music.

Jazz looked up,startled to see Sideswipe appear in his room randomly.

"Not cool Man!" Jazz yelled at Sideswipe. "Ever heard of knocking?" he spat sarcastically.

"Jazz.." Sideswipe began before..

"IS THAT A PROWL ACTION FIGURE!?!" Jazz literally squeed. The Porsche snatched tiny Prowl out of 'Sides hands and before Sideswipe could even react Jazz had crushed Prowl against his chest "He's soooo cute!". Prowl growled and crossed his arms as Jazz continued to squee over him. Sideswipe really didn't know whether to laugh or be deeply disturbed. He went with the latter. Jazz made exploding and gun noises as he made tiny Prowl fly around like an airplane, Prowl started to get dizzy from all the motion.

"-and then there comes the giant fist!" Jazz yelled excitedly as he formed a fist and went to swing it at Prowl, who shrieked in fear.

Sideswipe put his hands against Jazz's chest. "No! Thats the real Prowl!" he yelled stopping him in time. Prowl sighed a sigh in relief. There was a small awkward silence that seemed to last hours before...

"And then there comes the giant fist!" Jazz got ready to swing again before Sideswipe stopped him again,.

"Jazz, I need you to help me get him back to normal!"

"Aww, don't worry 'Siders! Maybe this isn't a bad thing." Jazz said, still holding the very irritated Prowl . " I mean he'll find love someday but it'll have to be with somebot his own size" the Porsche said thoughtfully before pulling something out of his subspace. " Like this pickle! (A/N don't ask me where he got a pickle that large...). "See? Don't they look cute together?" Prowl made a disgusted face at the food. Jazz then decided to take the pickle and smash it into Prowls face, making kissing sounds.

"No!No!No!" Prowl yelled in between getting smashed.

"See? They like each other!" Jazz said a bit too happily. Sideswipe began to wonder if he had any highgrade this morning instead of energon.

"Jazz! Seriously! I stole this from Ratchet and Wheeljack and then I shrunk Prowl and now I'm in deep slag!" Sideswipe confessed.

"So the M stands for mini?"

"Yes!" Jazz was officially getting on Sideswipe's nerves....

"Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Ya' know what your problem is? You've set to _M_ for mini-" Jazz turned the M upside down on the belt still around 'Sides waist. "-You need to set it to _W_ for Wumbo!" Jazz said with a proud look on his face.

Sideswipe gave him a puzzled look. " Jazz, I'm not sure that's a word..."

"Sure it is! Ya' know! I wumbo, you wumbo, he,she,me wumbo! Wumbo-ing-"

Prowl looked down from his spot in Jazz's hand. " I wonder if I fall from this height, it'll be enough to kill me?" the Datsun thought aloud.

"-Wumbology ! The study of Wumbo! It's first grade Sideswipe!" Jazz finished triumphantly.

"I'm sorry I doubted you Jazz." Sideswipe said with a whole new outlook on the word.

"Well, what are waiting for? Let it rip!" Jazz said holding Prowl.

Sideswipe pushed the now W and awaited to see the results of this"wumbo". It didn't work. Because now Jazz was small too.

"Oh my Primus! I'm so sorry Jazz!

"Sideswipe! Your huge!

"No, your tiny." he subspaced a pickle jar and put the second and third in command in. Jazz turned to Prowl and pulled out the pickle from earlier. "Hey, this pickle started out in a jar and now it's back in a jar. Irony.". Prowl turned around trying to ignore the TIC.

Sideswipe panicked. "I'm officially in a lot of trouble." he gulped. What was he going to do now? He was gonna run away. Yeah! No one ever has to find out, he'll just take Jazz and Prowl with him. But he couldn't just leave Sunstreaker....

"Hey Sideswipe!" Ironhide's thick southern accent cut through Sideswipes thoughts. On impulse he spun around and shrunk Ironhide.

"Whaa-? Now what did ya'll do ta me?! Ironhide demanded.

"Sorry Ironhide! Sideswipe picked him up and put him in the jar with Jazz and Prowl.

"Hey Side-" Came the deep voice of Brawn but before he could finish Sideswipe had shrunk him too, catching him in the jar. Paranoia soon had taken over Sideswipe's cpu as the jar became more and more filled with Autobots.

"Hey Bro! I got out of the brig ear-" and before he realized who he had shrunk his twin was now in the jar along with the other unfortunate bots. Sideswipe continued running through the base until every Autobot there had been shrunk.

"There." He huffed as he finished stuffing the rest of the Autobots in the jar.

"You can't keep us in here forever!" Prowl yelled from his spot of being squished up against the glass.

"He's right." Optimus Prime said, sternly but gently.

"Unshrink us now before I kick your big aft!" Sunstreaker growled, who was currently squished between Inferno and a freaking out Red-Alert. " Just breath in and out 'Red." Inferno tried to calm his friend but to no avail.

"I'm sure Wheeljack would understand."

"You are Wheeljack, you freak!" Ratchet spat from his spot underneath Wheeljack with 3 dinobots surrounding the two. The position was highly uncomfortable and awkward but there wasn't anything,really they could do.

"Oh yeah. Sorry. Grimlock's screaming must'a fried my processor."

"So that's what that belt was for. Shrinking. Good going 'Jack!" Ratchet said sarcastically but before Wheeljack could respond.....

"Just tell him how to unshrink us!" the rest of the Autobots yelled. They were squished,annoyed,and starting to feel claustrophobic.

"Okay! Alright,lets see.." Wheeljack. " Did you set it to Wumbo?"

"What!?"

The jar broke and angry Autobots poured out. The small group formed the words "Get Sideswipe!" on the ground.

"Aaauuugghhh!!" Sideswipe screamed as the tiny transformers crawled in underneath his armor.

"I love ya bro, but you so deserve this!" Sunstreaker said as he broke a few wires causing Sideswipe wince in pain.

"He's been doing stuff like this for years" Ratchet started

"But this is too far." Wheeljack finished, as they punched the back the Lambo's optics. Sideswipe clutched his optics in pain on the verge of crying.

Ironhide and a bunch of other Autobots were beating up his internal tanks. For some weird reason Red-Alert was chewing on one of 'Sides wires, he had ripped off.

Sideswipe cried out in pain when-

"Everything is too big!"

Then an idea struck Sideswipe. A horribly stupid idea.

"If I can't make you guys big then I'll make the Ark tiny!"

Before anyone could stop him, he walked outside,clicked the W and watched as the Ark shrank. All the transformers piled out of the crimson warrior's body. Sideswipe then took it upon himself to shrink himself too.

"Cheese!" he said with a cheeky grin, as he pointed the W towards his face and smiled. He was then the same size as the others.

"Sideswipe, this is the stupidest thing you have ever done." Optimus said as put his head in his hands. This really was a horrible idea, I mean they could easily be stepped on by the Decepticon's and they couldn't protect the humans.

------

Cliffjumper and Bumblebee had finally finished there patrol and were headed back to the Ark, unknowing what had become of there friends. When they did finally get back they were greeted by a group of miniature versions of there fellow Autobots. They both wore a look or horror to see even Optimus Prime so small.

"What happened to them?" Bumblebee asked, genuinely confused by the situation

"I don't know." Cliffjumper replied. " Wait a second! Are those the twins!?" He walked over to where the Lambo twins were standing, avoiding stepping on anybot, and quickly picked them up,despite there protests.

"Who's short now!?" He laughed and continued to make fun of the twins.

"This sucks." Sideswipe muttered

"Ya think? And it's all your fault!" Sunstreaker said hatefully

"Shut up."

"Optimus, Sir?" Bumblebee looked stunned to see his leader the size of a human. "Who did this to you? Megatron? A decepticon?

"No. Someone worse." Optimus growled, pointing towards the red Lamborghini, who was currently being tossed around with his brother by Cliffjumper.

"Bumblebee! Thank Primus you still big!" Ratchet said as he ran up to the yellow minibot, Wheeljack by his side.

"You can save us!" Wheeljack said happily. "All you have to do is push the red button on the right side of the belt."

Sideswipe gasped . "You mean it was that easy?!"

Bumblebee picked up the belt. "What's the W stand for?"

Jazz looked up from what he was doing. "Oh, that stands for Wumbo,of course."

"Ohh," but Bumblebee was still confused. Cliffjumper walked over, luckily for the twins he let them go,

"That's all we have to do?" he asked.

"Yup."

"You won't die or anything crazy like that?"

"No."

"Well then" Cliffjumper snatched the belt out of 'Bees hands "Time for a little fun and a whole lotta payback!"

The two grinned at each other._ "This was going to be fun!"_ they thought.

_30 minutes later_

"We are going to be in SO much trouble!" Bumblebee giggled childishly

"We sure are. But isn't it worth?" Cliffjumper replied.

"Oh yeah!"

Currently all the Autobots, save fore 'Bee and 'Jumper, were dressed up in human girl dresses and all centered around a table with fake cups of tea and fake cookies.

"I hate you." Sunstreaker said as he slammed his head on the table.

"I hate me too" Sideswipe said miserably.

"Hey! At least I still have this pickle!" Jazz squeed for the second time today,as he started to kiss the pickle.

"Ew, Jazz." The group said,disgusted. Prowl slowly inched away.

"Hey, wheres Mirage? Bluestreak asked

"Uggg, I have something on my foot!" Cliffjumper stuck out his tongue as he scrapped the remnants of a blue and white transformer off his foot. Everyone at the table wore a deeply disturbed look.

"Just look away." Optimus said

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yes very random but I hope you guys like it! Please review but no flames! :]

And maybe give me some tips to help me be a better author! Oh, and I don't have a beta so please notify me of any mistakes. I tried my best though. Also I picture when the transformers shrink, that they would be the size of a human xD And ya, some characters are kinda ooc but hey it's a parody. I thought about continuing this but each chapter would be a different spongebob/transformers parody. What do you think?


End file.
